A Love Letter To Tatarstan

Well my mittens, in the time since my last post, (3 hours or so) I have received two messages from Yuliya. I'm thinking that reprinting every word would be boring, so I shall compile some of the greatest hits into a semi-frequent Yuliya blog. Unless you really want to read every retarded word. Then just say so.

In the meantime, I have fashioned a reply. Toodles!

From: Geoffrey Chocolate
Date: Tue, 18 Jul 2006 16:42:12 -0400
To: Yuliya
Subject: Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?

My lovely Yuliya,

Good heavens, you are a beautiful woman!

I had always imagined you would be missing a limb. Or an eye. Or perhaps you would spend your days atop some sort of pack animal like a yak. Isn't that silly?

At any rate, it is wonderful to hear about your job, the Tatarstani children, and their enchanting solar laughter. I do not have any children, at least I don't any more.

You see, I was once married to a woman named Sheena Easton. She and I had a wonderful life together and shared two children, Bobby and Whitney. But then I found out the terrible truth. While I was working at my father's investment office, Sheena was using Bobby and Whitney to smuggle drugs across the border from Canada. She would force them to swallow balloons full of Heroin, and then poop them out once they reached America.

I can stand many things, Yuliya. But interfering with my children's digestive health is not one of them. So I kicked that bitch to the curb.

So, what's new with you?

Yours,

Geoffrey

P.S.: I love poetry more than anything. Do you think you could write me a poem? It would make me so happy.