If Mr. Plops Ruled The World

They say it is unwise to argue with a fool, because from a distance, no one can tell the difference.

Certainly, this is doubly true when speaking of certain coarse, unwashed individuals who deign to affect the content and character of Chocolate Mittens. A mere cursory reading of this website reveals a level of taste and distinction that must be carefully maintained. After all, my thoughts — and my thoughts alone — are valid and interesting.

Meow, all but the dimmest Chocolate Mittens readers know all of this already. So why mention it? Well my kittens, on the fringes of our beloved beacon lies an individual who seeks to befoul the clear waters of truth. I speak, unfortunately, of Mr. Plops.

His name alone speaks volumes. Tightly gripping the crutch of toilet humor, he seeks to lower the proverbial boon on my beloved Mittens. And I simply cannot allow this to happen. Therefore, after careful consideration, and against my better judgment, I have decided to argue with this aforementioned fool. To repost and respond to his “commentary”.

Referring to the initial announcement of the Chocolate Mittens Arch-Nemesis Selection Special, Plops wrote:

How dare you deny my existence! Verily your greatness would not exist were it not for my equal but opposite greatness by which you are measured. Surely your greatness is only a reflection in the pool of MY greatness! I am the Yang to your Yin. To deny me is to deny yourself!

Sincerely,
-Mr. Plops

4:25 PM

Very well Mr. Plops, you shall have your way. I shall pay tribute to your greatness. But first, being a kind and thoughtful host, I’ll make you feel more comfortable:


There. A cat penis.

Does this level of discourse make you feel more at ease? Perhaps a joke about my reproductive organs exhibiting signs of self awareness and independent thought? That would be a gas!


Yes, we’re sinking fast! But you must still feel bit outmatched, Mr. Plops. Perhaps this will help:



Heavens! That certainly is an impressive display of fecal prowess! Have you ever expelled feces in such a manner Mr. Plops? I have! Oh goodness, I’m becoming lightheaded.

However, I sense you still may not be as comfortable as you would like, sir. Yes, only one thing can take Chocolate Mittens to such a Plopsian level:


Land ho! We’ve finally arrived! This is your chosen milieu, Mr. Plops. The city of your dreams. What you would have Chocolate Mittens become. An eternal parade of penis jokes, litterbox pictorials, and lewd pornography. In short, the only arena in which your greatness could ever equal that of Chocolate Mittens.

In your comment, you wrote “I am the Yang to your Yin.” And in that respect, you are absolutely correct.

But here at Chocolate Mittens, we keep our yangs to ourselves.